Bismillahirrahmanirrahim . When sometimes u feel lonely inside. And u filled it with the unbenefit things. It became worse right? As a teenager,yes we loved to play. Sigh. Pftt .Im asking myself, why I live in this world today? why I am standing here today? Why me? Why my late brother didn't stand here , he can go straight to the heaven. Astaghfirullah , Im complaining , right ?ALLAH puts me for reasons.He has His own plans for me. I deserved better IF ONLY I DO THE BEST. but yeah , Im keep complaining . Ya ALLAH. My actions don't follow my words.Ehh. You are telling them to have faith in ALLAH.Believe that ALLAH is always be there for them. But you? Adesss.~ It's difficult. Yeah , I always told myself, remind myself , "I want to change" , I really want to change.I want to start a new life.new day.A day with His blessings,but still , I did the wrong things. I ....... I didn;t take care of the 'ikhtilat' .AllahuALLAH. ANd I also didn't serious with my study . I talked about unbenefit things. Ya allah , It's hard. It's difficult for me to change. to transform. But , if I can be like this now, why Im stopping myself to be a better Afiqah?right? T__T Dear kak ika,even i know that u wont read this ,but I just want to tell here, sorry if im already dissapointed u.I didn;t consistent with my mutabaah .T_T. Im trying my best .Even I keep forget it. Im trying. I didn;t consistent went to the usrah ,because Im not at the school though , And I can't go to the KRS camp because of my health problems, Im reALLy sorry .I couldn't give u an answer that u want to hear if u were asking any questions. I know u hope something huge from me. To be a successful preacher. Sorry again . Ya ALLAH, Im not serious with my life now.As if I already have the heaven's key in my hand. In your dream Qah . HuhuHU. the fact is,Smell of paradise pun jauh lagi . Qah .Qah. QAh. Islam is addin. the way of life. We can;t take it by parts only . Yes,we often take it only by praying,alms,hajj ,. Islam is not only that.It is more than that . The way you eat ,the way you talk . Moga ALLAH redha. Ya ALLAH , permudahkan.kuatkan. Ameen Ya Latif. Ya ALLAH. kuatkan aku. regards, Afiqah